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Post by Midnighter on Jan 22, 2009 21:47:31 GMT -5
Third and I'm pretty sure last love poem for awhile, I found this one deep within the jumbled up mess that is "My Documents"
You are the stars in my sky
that I gaze upon all night,
You are the apple of my eye
the most appealing thing in sight,
You are the breeze in my heart
that keeps me cool,
You are the fire in my soul
keeping me loving like a fool.
I wrote this poem for you
so you'd fall in love with me,
Because having you near
is as comforting as can be.
By: Chukwudi Onyewuenyi
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Post by Midnighter on Jan 22, 2009 21:52:06 GMT -5
It's not my best or Favorite, but tell me what you think
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Post by Amry on Jan 22, 2009 22:14:12 GMT -5
The rhyme and the meter are pretty tight, and it flows well; but the images are cliche. Lots of people have compared love to fire, or their loves to stars. I like the contrasts and shifts, though! (Not trying to be mean or anything, don't worry. Just trying to give some honest criticism.  ) |
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Post by Midnighter on Jan 22, 2009 22:20:53 GMT -5
I know what you mean exactly. When i found this i just rolled my eyes and laughed. It's amaing though how far I've come since eigth grade
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Post by Amry on Jan 22, 2009 22:24:17 GMT -5
Wow, it's pretty good for eighth grade. And yeah, I agree, reading your other stuff, you really have come a long way.
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Post by Midnighter on Jan 23, 2009 10:46:39 GMT -5
I wish i could write stories though
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cobaltwolf92
Fresh Meat
We sing, we dance, we hunt things
Posts: 45
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Post by cobaltwolf92 on Jan 24, 2009 9:17:14 GMT -5
I won't lie, its kinda cheesy. but it's difficult not to get that when you're writing romantic poetry. it's a very good piece regardless
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Post by Midnighter on Jan 24, 2009 9:22:49 GMT -5
well when I originally wrote this it was for some girl I secretly liked. Got up the courage to talk to her and it turned out she was a royal *insert choice word here*
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Post by Gillian on Jan 24, 2009 10:09:20 GMT -5
I think a guy being able to write poetry about their feelings is very handy. Someday, you'll meet some girl that will just fall head over heels for that. So, you know, practice writing romantic poetry now. I bet it'll come back to help you down the road. XD
I agree with Sarah that the images are a tad cliche. But, I think you were on a good track. I believe some people forget that poetry must be edited as well, not just narratives and essays. So, never give up on that poem you might not think is that great. If you work at it, it'll come to you eventually.
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Post by Midnighter on Jan 24, 2009 10:14:31 GMT -5
Thanks Gillian, I aappreciate that and i'll keep at it to make mine unique
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Post by Midnighter on Apr 1, 2009 18:25:16 GMT -5
[glow=purple,2,300][shadow=purple,left,300]Where'd all the good people go?  [/shadow][/glow] |
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[/shadow][/glow]